I finally realize something that has been happening for some time. Several months ago from now, I've been spending a lot of time at the bars. I've been trading the relaxing, laid back, content, intimate nights for the crazy spontaneous night life of the city. What's wrong about living life to that extend? None, the malign effect is caused by the reason of the why itself.
In a very light text exchange with a friend, she made the statement that I've been getting drunk almost every day lately. I tried to explain to her that I don't necessarily drink to that point; I only enjoy going out , see people, socialize. We kept joking back and forward and amidst the fast replies, I unwillingly admitted the root: I go out a lot and even drink a lot lately because I want to feel happy. I want to enjoy my time; I want to compensate for how unhappy I feel at work. I want to neutralize the bitter after taste I feel.
Maybe for the average Joe this is the life of the daily workers around the globe; but for me, this is the first time ever in my life, I mean ever that no matter how much enthusiasm I put into, no matter how much I try to concentrate on work, I feel not happy about it, even trapped. I do pray that the situation changes. But it hasn't changed so far. I've been hoping it to change for months now.
I'm surprised for this because I had it bottled it up all this time. I felt it several times, but never figured that it would affect my life in such an order or disorder.
Oh well, welcome to the real world I guess. I just feel pity cause I always loved what I do, and last year around this time, I loved what I did indeed .
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